I was thinking along these lines when I went to something
called See America, which is a good idea to promote tourism.
America, I mean, but you could have a See Ibiza thing and it would
attract the same hundreds of conmen and women looking for a free holiday, too.
We all turn up at a hotel in London and there are all
the people we need to see who can offer flights and hotels and things like that
to help you breathe more easily.
I settled on Texas (they
gave me their press release in a travel bag, with pen) and New York (the girl
seemed to like me). That means I shrugged off Missouri and Nevada and New Mexico
and something called the Florida Coast Spaceman Experience (you get to have lunch
with a former astronaut).
I like going to America because
you can order half a sandwich. Anyway, as they are taking over the world we ought
to join them. I see theres a man attempting to get in the Guinness Book
of Records by visiting every Starbucks there is. Hell have to be quick.
I think he should get a life first.
Going to London is
like going to any capital city and just as exciting until you get there and find
its full of tourists.
I really did want to go to
the Lucian Freud exhibition at Tate Britain (the galleries have different names
now, but I guess theyre all still named after either the sugar people or
Sainsburys) and Im so glad I made it because it was fabulous.
paintings are of peoples bodies, really, rather than their souls. It was
a bit like a trip to a mortuary, but very revealing nonetheless.
the tube to Pimlico, I wished I had a camera for the shot of the multi-racial
line of people opposite.
There were tourists, tourists
everywhere and none of them seemed to have had a drink.
went in the first London pub Ive ever visited where the gents was on the
ground floor and had a very good espresso while I watched Korea go out of the
World Cup and talked to a young Australian backpacker. He had been to the Tate
around the corner, but couldnt afford the tenner to see the Freud bit, he
said. I wondered why he didnt do what I did and just say you were from the
Press. I suppose everybody cant do that or it would be like the Visit America
Then it was home again. I got back at Midnight and
slept for twelve hours.
Im sure I used to be able
to go to London for the day without having to sleep it off for the rest of the
week. Mind you, thats also true about a bottle of Scotch.