THERE once was this remarkable character, a lady in her eighties
who smoked a clay pipe and would be wreathed in smoke as it eddied and swirled
"Smoking," she would thunder,
"has never harmed me and I will live for ever."
don't know what happened to her, but she left a legacy in the acronym of F.O.R.E.S.T.
- an outfit dedicated to the Freedom Organisation of the Right to Enjoy Smoking
Come to think of it, I'm not sure what happened
to the organisation, either. If you just hold on I'll have a look if they have
a website. Back in a minute.
I'm back. Well, there was
one, but you can't connect to it anymore. There's another, which is about tobacco
conspiracy plots in Delaware, and it says you should kill the objectors "for
their own good."
How about addictions? Perhaps I should
look there. Addictions, addictions, addictions! I'm fed up with them. Last night
I wanted a drink, a cigarette and a bowl of ice cream. All at once.
let's see. Addictions
Yes, this is much better. In fact it's great.
a site here (well.com) that says, honestly: "Web of addictions
You won't find glib, hip treatment of this very serious
another (addictions.org): "This site is dedicated to all that have been trapped
in one of life's addictions
There is a SOLUTION. Life truly can be HAPPY,
JOYOUS and FREE.
Or how about this (cbshealthwatch.medscape.com):
"Control your weight while you quit smoking marijuana. The site your doctor
Or even (addictionsofthe21stcentury.com):
"Our site contains information and education on addictions such as eating
disorders, teen substance misuse and gambling
could go on, but I guess you may have gathered this is Day Four without a cigarette
and it's not getting any better.
My nightschool class has
dwindled to six and one of them hasn't started giving up yet.
of the other four, one says he is saving £509 a week or something and an
elderly lady confessed she was spending half her pension on Silk Cut.
strength of this Zyban programme (Zyban.com and they even have a screensaver though
I can't get it to open) is that if you slip up, default, lapse or relapse or whatever
else you can call starting smoking again, YOU CAN'T GO BACK TO THE CLASS.
can go to the back of the close, I suppose, but no, pride comes first and you
cannot swagger back in, Golden Virginia sticking out of your breast pocket, and
say: "Hello everyone. My name's Sinclair and I'm a smoker."
As they say in Delaware, if I have another cigarette I would have to be killed
for my own good.
Now where did I put that clay pipe